The Big Boys Bicycle Club just got back from their first ever training camp (and their first proper ride in the new 2017 kit we made for them). Over the course of four days they rode more than 400km, climbed 6,500m and ate the island of Majorca fresh out of Magnums. Here are some lessons they learned along the way, in their own words.

Chamois cream, good. Sun cream, better. Ice cream, best.

Forgetting chamois cream when you’re doing two 140km days in a row – then following that up with an individual time trial up Sa Calobra – is not a good idea. An even worse idea is not putting on any sun cream during said exploits. Fortunately, even if you do forget the first two, there’s always ice cream to cure all your ills.

Bike boxes – a game of two halves

Having your own bike on tour is nice, but having your bike smashed up and your chainring ground down to a nubbin by easyJet is less-nice. The BBBC jury remains undecided on whether it’s better to rent a bike or bring one – for four days, probably rent.

Fanta Naranja is the nectar of the gods and could revive a hibernating sloth

Preach. What is it about Spanish soft drink flavours that makes them so much more ‘licious than English versions? Oh right, it’s the sugar.

One bike for two people is a waste

Why squander all that energy when you can ping up Sa Calobra in this frankly terrifying death machine?

barrow

Don’t fill your water bottle up from the sink in Spanish cafe toilets

D’uh.

Skiing is like cycling, only miserable

When you take people who can’t ski on a ski trip they are miserable for the whole trip. When you take people who aren’t brilliant at cycling on a cycling trip they have the best time.

Taking a multi tool in your hand luggage will result in a bag* search

*cavity

2.75 is the best number of sausages to eat pre ride. 7 is not.  

The really nice thing about staying in a hotel with an ‘all you can eat’ breakfast is having as many sausages as you like. The not-so-nice thing is carrying those greasy little buggers up a 5km climb just 20 minutes into the day. Blurgh.

sausages

Unlike chain oil, the oil they put in curries does not make you faster      

16 x chicken tikka masala, 16 x naans and 16 x pilau rice please.

There are a lot of goats in Majorca

Would ewe believe it?

Training camp will ruin your normal life

Hashtag holiday blues. Hashtag sad face. Hashtag take me back.
Big Boys Bicycle Club has been bringing knives to gunfights since 2013. Visit their website at bigboysbicycle.club.